When I began cutting myself and no one cared

10 years ago was one of the most tumultuous times of my life. Transitions that made no sense yet made all the sense in the world. My response, cutting myself.

I started cutting myself in my freshman year of college as a way to punish myself for what I saw at home, at school, and at work.

I could not build a relationship.   

My relationship with my father died.

I was not working where I wanted.

My grades were not perfect.

I had completely given up on church.

I remember this status was a total cry for a hug. A serious cry for attention. I wanted someone to tell me, “its temporary” or “you matter.” And no one did.

I remember how hard it was to write this. How many times I deleted it. How many times I checked if anyone liked or responded to it. And there was nothing. As a matter of fact, I lost friends.

Why did I put this up? Why am I reliving this memory? There is someone on the other sideof you pressing through.

If you’re in my situation, I’m here. Let’s talk.

There is someone on the other side. I would have missed my wife, my son, the churches I served in Milwaukee and Nashville, the church I Pastor, countless friends and loved ones if I let the temporary become permanent.

Paul put it like this, “That’s why I don’t think there’s any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what’s coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.”


So what?

If you are someone who sees this status here’s what I wish happened.

1-Reach out to them. Be present. You cannot change their mind or situation, but you can be present in affliction. Even if they don’t engage in a deep conversation, they know where they can run to.

2-Pray for them. Pray that the endless thoughts in their heads are met by Jesus Christ. Pray that Jesus meets them in the middle of their thoughts. Honestly it’s hard to see Jesus clearly when the world is busy.

3-Don’t press too hard. Leave the rest to God. But let them know you are that person they can see God’s face through.

This is never an easy topic to discuss. Countless people harm themselves or take their lives weekly. I pray my story can affect someone to talk to someone.

Let God control the end. You love the journey.

If you want to talk, I’m here. Let’s run together.