It’s been such a long time since I have been in this sweet spot of Blog writing, and I am so happy to be back. So what has been happening in our lives this year? Well, just about everything. For those of you that are new to our lives and the Forever Lester Blog and site, lets catch you up!
So many things have been moving in our life and Justin and I are beyond excited to serve in every capacity that God has given but it is also so overwhelming at the same time. I have really come to know in the past 4 months that God’s Grace is beyond sufficient in the good days and even in the confusing ones. So to get on to what this Blog is really about: My journey through Pregnancy or what I like to call
My Preggo Goals.
Goal 1: This is reality- Believe it!
I am currently in my 16th week of pregnancy and it has been quite the experience. It was in mid-September and I found myself being very lethargic, little to no appetite, and very emotional. So probably like every women, I thought it was my regular time of the month and that travel for work and our move to RI was finally taking a toll on my body so I didn’t think anything of it. However, a week later I felt the same symptoms. Pregnancy was not at all a thought in my head.
So on Monday September 26th, I go to Target to get some vitamin D pills (and probably some other random stuff that I didn’t need because its Target lol) because being deficient in vitamin D has similar symptoms to the above. On my way to checkout I passed by the pregnancy tests. Side bar: This is an awkward aisle to be in, usually you are only there for feminine products, but this time I had to go to the other end of the aisle. I picked one up just to rule it out. Well sure enough not one but two test came back positive. I was in utter shocked, I just starred for a while. So many thoughts raced in my head. Do I tell Justin now or do I wait? I can hold a secret but when it comes to good news, I can’t hold water and I especially cannot keep anything from Justin. He is lits my best friend, not in a mushy “I married my best friend” type of way but in a “what you doing? I got to tell you something now” kind of way. I was contemplating telling Justin right away or waiting till I could elaborately surprise him. Later that night we got dinner, and I just blurted it out, while he was in mid sentence. I couldn’t contain this news any longer (a whole 3 hours lol) by myself. I was stunned. Stunned at my sheer excitement. Stunned at my nervousness. Stunned at God.
Goal 2: Appreciate my Partner
Being a product of a single mother, I can tell you first hand how hard it is to raise a child alone. However, my mom was such a super women that I felt that an entire army raised me. With that being said, I have new respect for single mommas. In my Fantasia voice, “It’s a Badge of Honor, to be a single mama.” So I salute you. I couldn’t imagine going through this process alone. I never had a present father in my life, so I never knew what to expect but on every scale Justin blows it out of the water.
During my first trimester, I was very sick. I stayed nauseous all day, had zero energy and everyday I wanted to curl up on the couch and never get up. But there is something about having a partner that loves you so intently and covers you in your weakness. I could remember one time when I got super sick and threw up everything I just ate, and as soon as I came out of the bathroom feeling completely dejected, there he was, with a ginger ale and saltine crackers, telling me it’s perfectly normal and started listing all the symptoms I am going to endure in that week of pregnancy. Justin has researched every book, downloaded every app and loves this baby with everything already. He has even become my smell detector and gives my synopsis of how a place smells before I enter so I wont get sick when I walk in. It reminds me of small caveat verse in Luke 2 “…and Mary ponder all these things in her heart.” Just like Mary I am storing all these beautiful gems in my heart and they become my anthem of worship to God. I find myself so may times in a ball of tears because my love for him grows everyday and God chose him for me. Stunned.
I couldn’t ask for a better husband to go on this journey with. Justin is the best father a child could have because he’s the best husband! He has taken up every chore, and became the sole chef in the house. He carries us (baby and I) on his back and to God I am grateful.
Goal 3: Emotional Stability
“I’m on this Emotional Rollercoastahhh “(Heather Hadley voice). There are so many emotions to pregnancy and thoughts I have that flood my mind on a daily basis. I literally have to tell my mind to shut- down. Many times, I wonder why God choose me to be a vessel for this precious gift and why so soon. But just like God's timing is perfect for perceived delayed blessing it is equally perfect at an accelerated rate. Justin and I often discussed that people always share the negative sides of the life events. When we got married, the common response we received was “Just wait until the honeymoon phase is over.” Or with this pregnancy “Just wait till you get no sleep when the baby arrives.” We know people mean well but Psalms 127:3 tells us that “Children are an REWARD from God” likewise our marriage is an extension of our purpose. I believe this baby is an extension of our life ministry, a reward for faithfulness, a true blessing.
Recently, I put a Facebook post about crying over the season premiere of Fixer Upper, my favorite show on HGTV. It was pretty funny but this seems to be life nowadays. It doesn’t take much for me to cry or laugh and when either happens, it happens hard. There’s an old wise tale that says your emotions in pregnancy determine the temperament of the baby. Well at this rate, we are gong to have an extremely happy and tearful baby especially when they get hungry. As I mentioned earlier, Justin has been a Godsend from doing laundry to cooking. Early on in the pregnancy I would lash out at him. I was never upset with him but upset with myself. I would get upset with myself because I knew all the energy that I had to muster up to do a simple chore and at the end of it I would be so tired and in bed by 8pm. I would get upset at myself because I had no energy to accomplish the things I wanted to. I would get upset because I felt like I was failing pregnancy like a AP chemistry course. Although I am doing a lot better in this area today, I would often compared myself to other mothers I see on social media. It seemed like everybody was having such a smooth time. Their bellies were developing faster and more round and mine still looked like I was eating too many cheeseburgers. They were making work out videos, and organic this and that, and writing books, and being super wives and all I could seem to do in the early weeks is put on work out clothes and call it day.
As I am in my second trimester, I have gotten some of my energy back and my sickness has subsided, but in this process I have realized that I am enough! God has given me enough for that day. So I take a nap and refuse to feel bad about it. I put on workout clothes without making it to the gym and say that’s enough for today. I am enough! Enough as Courtney, enough as a wife, and enough for this baby!
Goal 4: Take out a student loan for Baby Gear?
No, but seriously? Having a baby has definitely become big business. I am often frustrated that most baby gear is at least 3 digits or more. Sometimes I have to check myself and say is this necessary or am I being a bougie first time mommy. I am huge researcher and review reader. I follow a lot of mom blogs and accounts on social media; in doing this, I realized that I couldn’t allow this baby and pregnancy to become my God. I refuse to raise this child as object of worship. Every time in worship, I am intentional in reminding “Baby” that we are worshipers and not the worshiped. Even in the womb this baby worships because I want him or her to declare with their life that God has been their God from the womb (Psalms 22:10). In order for this to be true, it has to start with me, to lead us both in worship. Although my wanting the absolute best products for this child probably won’t subside, it will never trump the knowledge that I have regarding Jehovah Jireh. God will supply everything we need to maintain this blessing and for that God will forever take the throne in our house.
This is definitely Part I to the blog as I am only in my second semester. I can’t wait to share more. God pressed it on my heart to share my journey and thoughts so far in mommy hood. Maybe this blog has reach another fellow mommy-to-be that feels as though they have failed pregnancy, well I am here to tell you, “Girl! You can not fail!”
I stand in absolute awe in the power of God daily. As we are in the Christmas advent season I often wondered sometimes why Jesus came as a baby? He could of come a warrior, a wise man, a king but he chose to come as baby. If He came as anything else we would of backed away in reverence and in awe. However, he came as baby because our first response will always be to get closer, to cradle, to protect. This pregnancy reminds me of that closeness. I will crawl to the end of the earth for this child. I can’t wait to snuggle him or her and bond in crazy way, I can’t wait to cultivate a relationship that is only known between us. The thing is, a baby has already come to all of us and his name is Jesus. He is waiting for you to come to Him to bond, snuggle, and cultivate a relationship. Just like I love this baby like crazy already, God loves you even more intently.
Gosh, I cant wait to have a conversation with Mary in heaven and her look me in the eyes amd say, “ I carried our Savior in my womb, and I still struggled to put on yoga pants (lol well her version of yoga pants at least.)” Lol
Until next time,
Preggo Court : )